Leaving and Remaining

The social virtue of "staying" in Jane Austen's world

One of the great delights of my adult reading journey has been discovering the works of Jane Austen for the first time. I am ashamed to admit it, but I was one of those black sheep who tried to read Jane Austen as a teenager and gave up after the first page (if it can even be called trying when you open a book, read the first line, and immediately put it back on the shelf saying, “Nope! Not for me.”) My literary palette at the time was being fed by great works such as Ranger’s Apprentice, Eragon, and Harry Potter, so obviously I knew what I was talking about when I dealt such a swift judgment against Austen.

Despite the waywardness of my adolescent years, I did eventually make my way back to Austen. In fact, Pride & Prejudice was one of the first books I read when I decided to take up the classics again. In Austen’s writing, I found something which I had not encountered before in a book. The only word I can use to describe it is “elegance.” There is an unaffected elegance to her writing that I think truly improves the mind the more you spend time with it. Just by entering her world and slowing down enough to enjoy her style, you become a better reader, writer, and even a better person.

Yes, I think reading Jane Austen can actually make you a better person (provided you practice what she preaches). Not only is her writing style elegant. The very ideas she puts forth in her books are elegant. Austen promotes an elegance of character in her stories, rooted in virtue and good will towards humanity. In her books, we meet everyday people who take the time to be concerned, even to the point of personal pain, with practicing social virtue towards their fellow men.

This summer I am reading Sense & Sensibility, and I cannot help but admire the way that Elinor approaches her relationship with her sister, Marianne. Elinor, being the older and more emotionally grounded sister, is constantly barraged with the very silly (and sometimes dangerous) emotional ups and downs of Marianne. Since Marianne refuses to conduct herself properly, it is always left to Elinor to smooth things over in their interactions with their friends and relatives. In addition to this, she must endure her half-brother’s complaints of his supposed “financial problems,” as well as the selfishness and gossip of their social circle.

In the face of such ridiculousness, it would be very easy for Elinor grow impatient. I know I would. And I think today’s culture would agree with me. They would encourage Elinor to simply cut her losses and leave all those silly people behind. However, Elinor stays, and I commend her for it. Of course, there is virtue in removing yourself from relationships that are genuinely harmful; but Jane Austen reminds us of another way. She reminds us of the virtue of staying. There is a certain elegance of character that attends a person when they are able to practice patience, forgiveness, and kindness towards those who do not always deserve it.

From Fanny Price of Mansfield Park, to Anne Elliot of Persuasion, Austen repeatedly writes about women who remain, women who are able to be kind in the face of selfishness. It is not that they are not hurt or bothered by the difficult people in their lives; but I find it admirable that they stay committed to these relationships of friendship and family, even when the virtue is not being reciprocated by the other party. Jane Austen does not champion staying in toxic relationships, but she does provide inspiring examples of people who are able to look with compassion and forgiveness on the shortcomings of others. Her characters do not immediately flee the scene every time they are mistreated, for the sake of self-preservation. Instead, they discern which relationships are worth staying in, and they make the decision to stay, out of love and care for those in their lives.

Jane Austen’s books are a masterclass in practicing social virtues. Not only does she reveal with precision and wit the ridiculousness of social interactions; she also provides examples for us of what it looks like to stay committed to humanity, even in all of its messiness. In reality, each of us will encounter people like Marianne, Lucy Steele, or Mrs. Jennings. And like Elinor, each of us will have to choose how we will respond in the face of those interactions. Like Elinor, and like all of Jane Austen’s characters, we will have to make a choice between leaving and remaining, resentment and forgiveness, patience and irritability.